He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
