omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
