how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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