I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come on in and take your pants off
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