420 ftw
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
