hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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