do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
