kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
