if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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