If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
