I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize