you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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