My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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