Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize