I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
