I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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