well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
