I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
