Your face is a jimmy john
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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