Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
