What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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