Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
