have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
