I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
