I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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