So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
NoShamevember. You game?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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