Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
