Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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