Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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