Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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