Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
