How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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