he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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