I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
