tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
