it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
