he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
