My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
