I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
