Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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