2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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