Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
