Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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