I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
