I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
