Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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