that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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