In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
