sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
