anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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