So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
