My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
