literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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