Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He did a backflip because drugs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize