Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
