new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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