It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
