went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
