He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
