hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
