At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
