i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it glows. i had to have it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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