there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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