Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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