I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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