hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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