Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
