so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
