I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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