ugly people sure do ruin things
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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