I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
