I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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