We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
