Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
