I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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