if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
