I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
