oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
