So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
