You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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