Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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