i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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