Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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