This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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