the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
