i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
