Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't been this sober since birth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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